GD fruit picker

It is 1am and even the goddamn fruit picker is a mutherfucking project. It’s okay though, because I also have poor lighting. Which is exactly what is needed for the cuntsoupery of goddamn mutherfucking fruit picker assembly projects.

Of course there are other projects that could be endeavored at 1am, like sleep, or installing a hook in the ceiling to hang a boho chandelier and fix that corner lighting issue. But that was already endeavored with little success due to thinking a step ladder would not be required, then stubbornly committing to the bare feet on bare floor approach. That’s not how ceiling hooks get securely installed.

It’s okay though. Because there’s a weird little corner shelf I salvaged from the garbage long ago and revitalized with paint and LED lights, probably at 1am. The good thing about corner shelves is they fit perfectly in corners. Even though this one is not really tall enough. And it really only lights itself.

It’s okay though. Because that shelf can be used exclusively for cool rocks and crystals and things. In some other corner. Add that to the list so you can cross it off, baddie boo you. In your poor lighting.

It’s okay though. Because there’s an office lamp with a bendy arm that can be pointed up into the corner, which does in fact provide sufficient lighting and which I have in fact been using to light that corner for two weeks, until I got so tired of seeing office things outside the office that I decided to install the hook for the boho chandelier.

You know what other office things are outside the office? Almost all of them.

Good thing there’s a fruit picker to assemble. What the fuck else would one do at 1am. Certainly not go outside to pick fruit, because outside is where nighttime spiders live. Like the giant red spider that speed-scrambled OUT OF THE BATHTUB DRAIN when I ran the water in the tub earlier tonight. Which… actually… would make that an inside spider. I don’t like that. Not at all.

It’s okay though. Because that spider is dead now. LOOK. I don’t like killing spiders but I don’t like spiders in my bathtub either. I did apologize. Then burned some sage.

At least the giant red spider in the bathtub wasn’t as creepy as it would have been if I were running the tub for the purpose of taking a bath, which I was not. I was running it to see if water would still come out of every single plumbing fixture in the whole entire house, considering I turned off the whole entire water to the whole entire house a whole entire two days ago. Bright red valves, clearly marked for the tank AND the well. I did that because the cold water valve under the bathroom sink needs to be replaced… which I figured out because that bathroom faucet has been drip drip dripping this whole entire time, and when I tried to turn off the water at the valve under the sink, just to that faucet, water came pouring out of the valve itself. Which means the valve has to be replaced. Which means the master queen bee in charge of the whole house water has to be shut off. Which I did. The clearly marked red levers. Two days ago. And the water in the house is still running.

It’s okay though. I think I just need to keep using water until the pipes are empty. Because that’s what my brain said, based on absolutely no plumbing expertise. Wild how much sense that makes, especially with the faucet still dripping drip dripping.

Anyway. Pretty soon this fruit picker will be in one piece instead of 900. Then I can feast on apples from the top of the tree.